What?Pregnant? Again???

I dont know where to start....

i'm still in stage to calm myself, adapt all changes in me ='(

its hard...really hard to accept...but what can i say...

its really unplanned, i do take prevention/ protection but in natural way la... takut la nak amik hormon2 produk ni, period cycle dah cun2 every month tetibe nak alter mcm x selesa plak.

tp benda yg kite rase mustahil, tp bagi Allah TIADA YG MUSTAHIL kan? so...terima lah!

aku plan to have a gap at least 3 years after deliver my 2nd boy... dpt la permission hubby walaupon at 1st place he keep asking for 3rd one. my MIL never stop praying for me to get pregnant and aspect to have baby girl..hari2 tau... "hafiy mintak la mama adik pompuan...bleh nanny beli bnyk baju pink" "xyah la tunggu lama2...usia pon makin tambah"...etc... aku buat pekak je beside confident xkan pregnant since protect kan...adoila... amik kau, sape suh confident sgt, x tau kuasa Allah tu besar mane??!!

Why i'm not ready?

Zafry is still young

he just 1 year 3 mo kot mase i concieve (which i never notice that i'm pregnant)

development zafry agak slow compared to his brother/ other baby... merangkak pon lambat. now jalan pon belom tau. and he is very super duper manja! 24 hours melekat dgn mama/ orang lain. xleh tinggal sorang/ with his brother... aku buat semua keje sambil dokong die...imagine????

Zafry still bf... walaupon dah campur susu. he refuse bottle... maid bg die minum susu gune sudu tau. kdg try bg bottle die isap gak sbb lapar...

Being Good Mother

jadi mak untuk 2 anak ni pon aku x terkejar mase. dengan kerja lagi, housework lagi, outstation lagi...

Aku rase bersalah setiap hari balik kerja, kemas2 rumah semua, masak mmg x sempat la... tapau je memanjang... penat, baring, tido.

aku xde mase nak main dgn anak2, nak bacekan buku, nak ajar itu, nak ajar ini...

rase teruknye aku...mcm mane jadi mak ni.

risau anak2 membesar x cukup perhatian dan kasih sayang... Allahukabar!

kalau anak dah 3 mcm mane? aku x bleh imagine... ='(

Ideal Weight

for last 2 pregnancies, i gain 22kg on 1st, and 20kg on 2nd one. ='( after last delivery on 25th mei 2013... i lost 10kg during confinement and i take almost 1 year to lost another 10kg... and achieve angka 6x kat weight scale tu. keep on my fitness activity, diet... dlm hati nak achive ideal weight for me...which is 56! walaupon mustahil, achieve 60 pon aku nak lompat bintang tau tak....

itu pon aku dah gembire...suami apatah lg... hari2 nak melekat je. ko tak bahagia??

gi kerja pon slalu org/ opismate/ consultant tegur nampak kurus lah, cantik la... mmg kembang jap. tp aku sentiase set mind aku, aku nak kurus utk suami! just for him!

sejak kurus, confident level naik... aku xde rase segan nak jumpe org, confident nak try new fashion/style, xde rase down nak join fitness activity, jogging tu dah jd mcm ketagih plak...

bile kurus pakai ape pon nampak sedap je mata memandang...nak cari saiz pon senang... muat saiz M, or even some size S...heaven!

thats why pregnancy is like nightmare to me...

sakit hati bile org pandang atas bawah...mesti dlm hati die ckp (OMG Gemoknye die ni, mcm mane bleh jadi besar ni...) setiap jelingan, ketawa kecil org sekeliling tu merabakkan hati aku tau tak! i cant forget! never forget!

i try in many way to accept what have been written to me... i do love babies, but somehow i have to face pregnancy time for 40weeks. motherhood life lg...

i never expect... 

biase period regular...akan dtg tepat pd tarikh tu or lewat sehari. ogos tu, period dtg awal 4 hari... i dah rase pelik. tp datang jugak kan...buat donno je. middle sept i notice selera mkn tetibe naik, x mkn bnyk tp yg tu nak, yag ni pon nak and my belly naik skit...haih. and sebab ade skip jogging routine 2 minggu sbb bz dgn bils wedding etc. so back to my jogging routine... slamat aku sapu minyak panas, pakai girdle bagai, and jogging for that sept. and still the period never show off...haih. 

i makan nenas banyak2 to get my period back on schedule. NIL!

early oct...balik dr outstation i rase super duper loya.

hati berdebar giler...and ckp ngan hubby, "i rase something went wrong...x period lg nih... i risau pregnant je ni" hubby said "xkan la kot...kan kite jage" 

definetely...no one can answer. aku xleh tido... geledah segala laci cari pregnancy kit kot2 ade yg blom gune lg. yes i found one. tp tarikh luput mac 2014. try jela...

.

.

sekali

positif!

xleh caye sbb expired.

beli lg new pregnancy kit kat farmasi and try again

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sah

i terduduk tepi katil

nak nangis x keluar air mate...

celaru...x tau ape i rase sebenarnye..

telling my husband... mase tu br air mate gugur

he said... "hey common... mane ade org x happy bile pregnant"

"its me='(" i replied

seharian laydown in the bed and crying...thinking...OMG!

wasap my fren...to cooling down and get some advice...

huhuhuhuhuhu...

baby, sorry...

i'll take care of u since u re amanah Allah.

dah slamat bukak buku merah.

now i'm 13w pregnant

loya nye phase blom berakhir lg...

smoga dipermudahkan urusan ku Ya Allah!

sakit contraction lepas pon aku masih teringat2 lg...

ALLAHUAKBAR! Kau Maha Mengetahui!

pray for the best for me and baby =)